How I Would Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

The day has come: it’s a zombie apocalypse. The average person would panic, but not I. I am fully prepared to kick some zombie butt with my awesome weapons and out smart them with my remarkable cleverness. Alright, maybe I’m over exaggerating. But at least I can confidently say that I will make it to the sequel (that is of course, if Steven Spielberg survives and makes an epic movie of my journey. And as a side note, if Beyonce survives as well, she should totally play me). Here’s my game plan:

1.  As soon as I find out that there is an outbreak of zombies, I’ll gather a group of people which would not necessarily consist of friends and family, but whoever is close enough and not infected. Note: as horrible as it sounds, I would make sure there are a few overweight people in the group. Even though they would slow the rest of the group down, in case of a zombie chase, it would be beneficial to have some people that I can run faster than (if you know what I mean). I would also make sure that I have a few physically fit people that would be useful with good hand-eye coordination for the routine zombie-killings. Lastly, I would make sure to have someone attractive of the opposite sex. After all, I might have to repopulate the human race… and it can’t hurt to brighten up the countless hours of hiding and waiting.

2. Majority of people will rush to the malls or grocery stores to get supplies. People will be killing each other to get supplies or zombies will be waiting for them there for an all-you-can-eat buffet. But my group and I will be smarter; we will raid our neighbor’s homes and sheds, the nearest Wal-Mart or target, gas station and gun shops.
3.   After we have found what we need, instead of looking for other survivors, we head off to find a place to camp out. This place will be a secured building such as a prison, government building, airport, or hydro station.
4.   We will also never split up. If we have to go out, we go out as a group, heavily armed. Even in horror movies, when the group splits up, people start dying! If anyone wants to go off and do their own thing, they will get left to fend for themselves, no exceptions.

5. If anyone in my group gets infected, they will get shot with no hesitation.

6.  If anyone goes missing, they will be assumed dead and be left behind. Going out and looking for missing people is dangerous, they can already be dead or infected, so there is no point risking my life.

7.  If we find people on the way that have not been infected, we will add them to our group and eventually create a society of survivors. Hopefully some people in the group have military, medical and scientific experience. The doctors can help the society grow strong and able-bodied. The scientist can possibly come up with a cure for the zombie infection. And the military people can form of army to protect our society and secure the perimeter. And perhaps we can come up with weapons of mass destruction to annihilate the zombies if the scientist can’t find a cure.

8. Ultimately, we will always have backup for everything. Backup plans, supplies, hiding locations, leaders, ect. Just in case zombies ravage our plan, we will always be one step ahead of them in our pursuit of survival.

Through this zombie apocalypse, survival is the only option. Common sense and wit will prevail in all decision that we make! In the words of my favorite Disney character “no eating here tonight, no eating here tonight, no no no eating here tonight, you on a diet!” Yes that’s right, zombies, enjoy your diet because I’m a survivor.